


All He Wanted To Feel

by DivineVarod



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Closeted Character, Fear, Legion - Red Dwarf, Loneliness, Longing, M/M, Pre-Slash, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 09:49:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5923957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivineVarod/pseuds/DivineVarod
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Having finally received a "real" body there is only one thing Rimmer wants to feel, but he is afraid to ask.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All He Wanted To Feel

Sitting at the steel table in Starbug's midsection, his index finger pressed against his bottom lip, Arnold J. Rimmer was deep in thought.  
  
If he was going to do it he had to do it now. In a few minutes it would be weird.  
  
It was only an hour since they'd escaped from Legion and had cleared the mess the Stardrive had made. Already his new corporal body had been of service: had he been made of light alone he would have simply been blown out when that weird contraption smashed through the hull.  
  
A body!! He could touch, feel, taste … He'd already experienced pain a few times that day, which felt like a continuation of his life before the accident. Pain was the one feeling he'd always been most familiar with.

Now was the time to change that, his only chance.  
  
He desperately wanted to ask but was scared: scared of being judged, scared of being laughed at. But most of all: scared of being refused.  
He needed it and had longed for it for so long. Even before he died no-one had ever done this for him: not even his mother.  
  
Other people did it all the time, it came natural to them. Dave Lister gave it away freely to everyone; Kryten, the Cat even strange GELFS when they weren't out to kill them. Never to him, though, never to him.

Precious seconds ticking away because of the paralysing fear.  
  
Rimmer felt the chair beneath him and let his hand slide over the surface of the table: yes, he could still feel it!  
  
In five minutes it would be wrong! - Oh smeg, why was he timing this?  
Now it could still be chalked up to wanting to experience sensation in his new body. Soon, though, soon he couldn't claim to be over excited anymore.  
  
Rimmer stood up stiffly and walked to Lister's room.  
  
The Scouser was reading a comic in his bunk.  
  
Suddenly unsure of what to say Rimmer hovered in the doorway. Lister looked up and pulled a face.  
  
“Anything you want, Rimmer?”

Rimmer stared at the floor and didn't reply.

“Rimmer?”  
  
More silence.  
  
Then …  
  
“Lister …”  
  
“Yes?”  
  
Rimmer's voice chocked.  
  
It wasn't a bad thing to ask, he kept telling himself, while his self-loathing told him he was making a fool of himself in front of Lister.  
  
_"He will laugh at you, you idiot!!"_  
  
Tears were pricking behind his eyes now.  
  
He clenched his fists.  
  
Why was it so hard? Other people could get this so easily, they didn't have to ask or hope to earn it.  
  
“Still waiting Rimmer …"  
  
Rimmer slowly lifted his head to look at Lister. He swallowed and then, in a tiny voice, blurted out the question he'd been afraid to ask.  
  
“Lister … Could … could I have a hug?”


End file.
